BONE LAKE Review: Horny Getaway Gets Gory
Airbnb nightmares are not beating the allegations in Mercedes Bryce Morgan’s sexy new thriller.
Between Barbarian and Superhost and The Rental and now Bone Lake, one thing is clear… just stay at a goddamn Sheraton!
Bone Lake, a movie whose franchise potential suggests Cartilage Cove, Platelet Pond, and, I dunno, Epidermus Estuary, is the newest look at travelers booking a place that seems like a dream online but turns out to be a nightmare. After a prologue that answers the question “what would a man getting an arrow through the scrotum look like?”, we meet a couple making a cross-country trek, eager for a weekend at a gorgeous rent-a-chateau.
In the driver’s seat is Sage, a confident young woman played by Maddie Hasson, and by her side is Diego, a handsome-though-wishy-washy author played by Marco Pigossi. They pull into an absurdly large, elegantly decorated mansion on a lake, leading Diego to disrobe and declare it to be a clothing-free weekend. (Bone Lake, indeed!) After a quick coupling, in which an eager-to-please Sage fakes a climax, they are disturbed by the appearance of another young couple stumbling in with suitcases.
Will (Alex Roe) and Cin (Andra Nechita), which is short for Cinnamon, have the QR code to enter the place and receipts for the booking, but no one can get ahold of the property owner. Just before the men begin a tournament of rock, paper, scissors to see who stays and who goes, Cin decides to break the ice, make formal introductions, and points out that the place is enormous. There’s room for everyone and they’ll likely get a refund because of the screw up. Maybe just make the best of it?
Soon everyone is hanging out by the lake and it doesn’t take until nightfall for the social awkwardness to set in. Will and Cin are both weirdly chummy and inquisitive. The first severe red flag flies up when Cin steps out of the shower, stumbles into Diego, claims to be blind without her contacts, then asks him to hand her her intimates. Clearly anyone in the real world would be wigged-out by this, especially with how quickly Cin drops the term “panties.”
