‘Heart Eyes’ continues horror’s successful tradition of terrifying tales and extreme slashers that take advantage of the year’s most romantic holiday. Holidays can be a wonderful time of unity where friends, family, and loved ones come together, whether they subscribe to the entrenched tropes of these seasonal customs or have created their own. Holiday horror […]
‘Heart Eyes’ continues horror’s successful tradition of terrifying tales and extreme slashers that take advantage of the year’s most romantic holiday.
Holidays can be a wonderful time of unity where friends, family, and loved ones come together, whether they subscribe to the entrenched tropes of these seasonal customs or have created their own. Holiday horror films have become one of the genre’s most cathartic traditions. This subversive brand of horror started to find its footing during the ’70s through movies like Silent Night, Bloody Night, Whoever Slew Auntie Roo?, and of course — Black Christmas and Halloween.
The tongue-in-cheek nature of Christmas horror movies have helped make these the most popular holiday horror sub-genre. There are close to 100 Christmas horror movies, but this hasn’t stopped other holidays, like Thanksgiving, April Fool’s Day, and even Independence Day, from also leaving their mark on the horror genre.
Valentine’s Day is especially rewarding territory to explore through the horror lens. A time of love, affection — and often jealousy — is subject matter that naturally feeds into horror’s heightened, emotional characters. Josh Ruben’s Heart Eyes — a throwback slasher that revolves around a festive serial killer who targets couples — is a modern classic-in-the-making that reminds audiences why Valentine’s Day is the perfect vehicle for scary slasher shenanigans.
Anyone who wants to program a flawless night of Valentine’s Day-fueled horror should turn to the following films…
There may not even be a Valentine’s Day horror sub-genre without 1981’s My Bloody Valentine, a revelatory slasher that is the holiday’s equivalent to Black Christmas. There’s a deliciously Jaws-esque plot that drives My Bloody Valentine forward. A deranged miner who had to resort to cannibalism during a tunnel disaster threatens to wreak violent vengeance on the sleepy town of Valentine Bluffs if they ever hold the annual Valentine’s Day Dance again.
After 20 years, Valentine Bluffs finally decides to return to this tradition, content that Harry Warden (Peter Cowper) is confined to a mental institution and unable to do any harm. Of course, Harry escapes, dons a miner’s mask and pickaxe, and returns to Valentine Bluff to terrorize the community’s lovesick youth. A miner’s mask turns out to be a very effective slasher disguise that’s simple, yet creepy. My Bloody Valentine features an abundance of removed hearts and foreboding POV segments that are rich in atmosphere. It’s also just so silly that the film’s dangers have an easy solution — the canceling of the dance — but such a setback is viewed as an impossible imposition to this party-deprived community.
The original My Bloody Valentine is an evergreen classic, but 2009’s My Bloody Valentine 3D is actually one of the better remakes to come out of the 2000s that taps into exactly the right tone for this heightened horror hysteria. It’s also one of the best uses of 3D in a horror film that effectively recaptures the comical, cringe-inducing experience of flinching from projectile eyeballs and spraying blood. Director Patrick Lussier has been involved with big-budget productions like Drive Angry and Terminator Genisys, but My Bloody Valentine 3D is his masterpiece. It’s unfortunate that the proposed sequel never came to fruition.
Picnic At Hanging Rock
Many Valentine’s Day horror movies focus on the holiday’s immediacy and a desire for resolution. Peter Wier’s Picnic at Hanging Rockspits in the face of these principles in favor of a terrifying thriller that crafts a suffocating mystery that’s in no hurry to provide answers. It’s a film about humanity’s inherent helplessness and their ultimate insignificance in comparison to the universe’s infinite vastness. The film investigates the disappearance of three young girls who go missing during a Valentine’s Day school trip to Hanging Rock. There’s a cinema verité quality to the picture that evokes the feeling of early found-footage or even the hazy obscurity of something like The Texas Chain Saw Massacre that blurs the lines between fact and fiction.
Picnic at Hanging Rock crafts a compelling story, but it’s really the movie’s visuals and mesmerizing cinematography that elevate it to something greater. This film has such a hypnotic hold over the viewer that makes them feel haunted and at the mercy of some unexplainable supernatural force. It’s like you’re drowning in a nightmare. Picnic at Hanging Rock gets under the audience’s skin and is the type of film that viewers will immediately want to rewatch the minute that the credits begin to roll. It’s one of the darkest and most unnerving Valentine’s Day horror films, but it’s also widely considered to be one of the best Australian movies of all-time.
Valentine
Valentine is the pinnacle of early 2000s era slashers, albeit a title that’s actually held up incredibly well nearly 25 years later. The slick slasher has a cast that’s full of some of the decade’s top teen-skewing talent, such as David Boreanaz, Denise Richards, Marley Shelton and two Grey’s Anatomy alum, Katherine Heigl and Jessica Capshaw. Valentine is very generic on paper — a killer in a Cupid mask begins racking up a body count that connects back to an embarrassing incident from junior high. Directed by Jamie Blanks of Urban Legend fame, the film has fun with a whodunnit element that keeps audiences guessing up until the very end.
It’s easy to dismiss Valentine as one of the decade’s many Scream rip-offs, but this horror movie actually has something to say and executes it through a surprisingly intricate revenge plan. It’s full of provoking set pieces that fully take advantage of the many tropes and traditions that are connected to Valentine’s Day. All these moments connect, but there’s a particularly disturbing scene that involves chocolates and maggots, not to mention a truly vicious kill with an iron. Valentine punches way above its weight, even if it’s far from a perfect horror movie.
Hospital Massacre
Hospital Massacre, also known as X-Ray (as well as Be My Valentine, Ward 13, and Or Else), is entertaining slasher shlock from the early ’80s that’s slipped through the cracks for many. Hospital Massacre — unsurprisingly — uses the claustrophobic and sterile setting of a hospital and turns it into an inescapable house of horrors. An unpopular boy, Harold Rusk (Charles Lucia), finds himself mocked by Susan Jeremy (Barbi Benton) and her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, only for Harold to snap from the embarrassment and murder Susan’s partner. Now, 19 years later, Susan is divorced and excited to embrace life with her new boyfriend, Jack (Jon Van Ness). Susan has to pick up her routine physical results from the hospital, where she’s interrupted by her former stalker who murders a surgeon and masquerades as a medical professional.
A lot of Hospital Massacre involves Harold killing off doctors and hospital staff with precise medical tools. At only 89 minutes, it’s hardly a long movie, but the final act does drag, despite the harrowing situation that Susan finds herself in. Hospital Massacre culminates in an emotional reunion that avoids a cliched conclusion and argues that a final girl doesn’t have to perish in order for a horror film to be successful. This is a niche Valentine’s Day slasher that’s a lot of silly, stupid fun.
Tales From The Crypt (“Poetic Justice”)
Amicus Productions helped lead the charge for anthology horror in film through the ’60s and ’70s. Freddie Francis’ Tales from the Cryptis considerably less campy than the HBO series that followed, but it’s still a very entertaining production that concludes with a cathartic twist. Out of the film’s five segments, it’s frequently the Christmas-centric killer Santa story, “…And All Through the House,” that receives the most praise. However, there’s also an excellent Valentine’s Day segment in the mix.“Poetic Justice” is a title that may seem appropriate for most Tales from the Crypt stories, but this operates as a tight, tense revenge story that hits its mark and doesn’t overstay its welcome.
“Poetic Justice” involves a petty feud against a neighbor – Arthur Grimsdyke (Peter Cushing) – who may seem odd, but he largely keeps to himself and doesn’t disturb others. Cushing brings something special to this story and Grimsdyke’s complete earnestness really aids this performance and gives his character real pathos. The central “prank” exploits the death of Grimsdyke’s wife, on Valentine’s Day no less, which triggers a melancholy chain reaction. “Poetic Justice” is rather heartbreaking and it’s easy to see why this story wasn’t adapted into an episode of the TV series, which went for broader and more extreme tales of terror. Any misgivings in the segment will be forgotten by the time the pitch-perfect ending arrives. It’s pure E.C. Comics bliss and the weaponization of seemingly sweet Valentine’s Day card limericks helped “Poetic Justice” walk so that Valentine could run.
Broken Hearts
Jake McDowell (2012’s Found Footage) is a Canadian filmmaker whose first student film — at the age of 17 — was a modern update to John Carpenter’s Halloween, which makes him the perfect choice for a Valentine’s Day-based slasher movie. Broken Hearts is cut from the same cloth as Heart Eyes and Valentine. There’s a lot of crossover between these bloody affairs. A masked psychopath begins offing his unrequited crush’s romantic interests so that no one can get in the way of their love. Broken Hearts celebrates a robust body count, graphic violence, and a retro aesthetic that brings the slashers of the ’70s and ’80s to mind. The killer’s Cupid-esque mask may have a low-budget direct-to-video look to it. However, there’s such passionate love for the genre and filmmaking that’s on the screen.
Broken Hearts keeps its audience guessing over the serial killer’s identity and playfully indulges in twisted fantasies and disturbing set-pieces that feed into the murderer’s delusions and slipping grasp on reality. Not only does Broken Hearts gleefully wear its slasher love on its sleeve, but it directly name-drops My Bloody Valentine 3D and coyly asks the audience, “Tell me, who would actually pay to see a Valentine’s Day horror movie?”
Holidays (“Valentine’s Day”)
2016’s Holidays has good intentions and features some particularly satisfying highs, the likes of which make it all the more disappointing that they’re sandwiched between some lackluster lows. Holidays is an eight-segment anthology film that showcases a different holiday in each story, the likes of which are helmed by promising genre filmmakers. “Valentine’s Day” kicks off the film and benefits from Kevin Kölsch and Dennis Widmyer’s (Starry Eyes) direction.
This tale is fairly formulaic Valentine’s horror, but it’s presented with a brutal intensity and rawness that helps it stand out among the anthology film’s other segments. “Valentine’s Day” tackles bullying, revenge, and unrequited love with a bloody climax that’s reminiscent of Tales from the Crypt’s “Poetic Justice.” It’s exactly the sort of slasher-based situation that one might expect to find in a film like Heart Eyes.
Pontypool
Canadian apocalypse thriller, Pontypool, is one of the most creative takes on a zombie-esque virus that spreads through society. It’s easy to miss the fact that Pontypool begins on Valentine’s Day, but the affectionate holiday becomes vital subtext to this alarming story. Many zombie films explore a toxic outbreak that’s spread through human contact or bites to the flesh. Pontypool explores an even more disturbing idea that presents a virus that spreads through human language. In doing so, Pontypool is able to present such a unique and methodical look into society’s breakdown. It’s truly chilling to see this virus spread and society struggle to figure out what’s going on.
There’s a clear progression to this infection as individuals begin to uncontrollably repeat certain words before their vocabulary and comprehension become progressively garbled and regresses into nonsense. There’s a particularly powerful sequence where Grant (Stephen McHattie) convinces Sydney (Lisa Houle) that the word “kill” actually means “kiss,” which is a stunning distillation of what it means to be in love in a horror movie. Pontypool’s finale is a beautiful expression of love that’s shrouded in hopelessness.
Pontypool doesn’t push the fact that it begins on Valentine’s Day in the audience’s face. However, the movie’s message about the importance of communication, the power of language, and how the loss of these things leads to total disaster becomes even stronger when it’s contextualized through romance and relationships. Love and affection increasingly evaporate — and madness reigns — when language is lost, whether it occurs in a zombie apocalypse or a mundane break-up.
