Eli Roth’s Gruesome ‘Ice Cream Man’ Melts Before Your Eyes [Review]

I scream. You scream. We all scream for ice cream! I cannot, however, say the same for Eli Roth’s latest, Ice Cream Man. The kids-gone-bad horror (comedy?) piles on the gory syrup but seriously lacks any flavor beyond that.

Set in the idyllic town of Bayleen Bay, we meet Jared (Charlie Zeltzer). A young kid eyeing the last week of school, Jared wants to enjoy summer break with his friends. But that plan melts before his eyes when a mysterious Ice Cream Man (Ari Millen), who never speaks, begins handing out treats with names like Locust Lick and Serpent Swirl. Any kid who eats them turns into a murderous zombie with ice cream conspicuously smeared on their face. Now, it’s up to Jared and co. to stop the deadly dairy-slinging maniac before he gives the whole town a permanent brain freeze.

I’d love to elaborate on the plot, but that’s about all there is to this vanilla scoop of a supernatural revenge premise that too often comes off as bored with itself. Or maybe that was just me.

Ice Cream Man wants to be a ludicrous carnival of over-the-top bloodshed that would make Herschell Gordon Lewis blush. And at times, the film teases a quirky weirdness that comes so close to giving it a personality. There’s Jared’s uncomfortable eye contact with the Ice Cream Man’s grinning cone logo, sprinkling the air with eeriness. Kids pop up in windows as the titular Pied Piper slowly drives through the neighborhood at night, accompanied by a light mist. And of course, you have that classic yet unsettling tune, twisted by composer Brandon Roberts. Yet any chill is quickly quashed by lifeless dialogue, drippy pacing, and basic direction that struggles mightily to build tension when it matters most.

Not to mention the shoulder-shrug exposition drops regarding the Ice Cream Man’s plot to get revenge on the kids who led to his death, delivered with an “I don’t know, just go with it” attitude. It all feels like one big joke on the audience, yet no one’s laughing.