In anticipation of Adam Wingard’s ‘Onslaught’, Matt Konopka lists the horror genre’s five most unstoppable killers.
At its core, the horror genre is all about facing our fears. And the thing about fear is, it’s relentless. Fear doesn’t have feelings. It doesn’t care if you’re having a bad day. You can’t just close your eyes and make it go away. Fear keeps on coming, and coming, and coming, until you finally stand up and say, no more. Even then, getting rid of it is no easy task.
Because of that, many of our favorite movies feature an unstoppable killer(s) at their center. Whether they be masked murderers, undead zombies, machines, ghosts, you name it, they all have one thing in common…they don’t go down easy.
In anticipation of Adam Wingard‘s Onslaught, about a trio of super-soldiers wreaking havoc, I’ve compiled a list of the genre’s five most relentless killers. These characters are walking nightmares.
Take a look below and pray you never encounter one of these villains. They’ll likely be the last thing you ever see.
Michael Myers – Halloween
Courtesy of Trancas International Films
You can’t kill the boogeyman.
On Halloween night, 1963, Michael Myers murdered his sister at just six years old. Fifteen years later, he set his sights on the sister who got away, Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis). For the decades following the release of John Carpenter’s original iconic slasher film and the numerous sequels/remakes/requels that have followed, his only goal has been to snuff out every last member of his bloodline.
Like his doctor, Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasance) says, Michael is simply and purely evil. There’s nothing in those devil’s eyes of his. He has no remorse. No sympathy. No feeling whatsoever. You can stab him, burn him, shoot him six times off a balcony, hell, you can even chop his head off with an axe, and he just…keeps…coming. In his time, Michael Myers has established himself as the most relentless killer of them all. He’s The Shape. The Boogeyman. A Halloween curse that never ends…one we’ll continue to resurrect in our homes or on the big screen every October 31st.
The T-800 – The Terminator
Courtesy of Amazon MGM Studios
Look, I don’t care what anyone says, James Cameron’s The Terminator is a horror movie. You look at Arnold Schwarzenegger as the titular villain, face half-peeled off to reveal a metallic robot beneath with glowing red eyes and try telling me that shit’s not scary. No? That’s what I thought.
The film plays almost like a slasher movie, with Arnold sent back in time by sentient A.I., Skynet, to assassinate the woman who will give birth to the future fighter leading the battle against the machines, Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton). Protecting her is Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn), a soldier who has traveled back in time to save her. The two find themselves in a fight for their lives against a cyborg whose primary skill is death. Killing is all it does. Over the course of the film, The Terminator shoots up a nightclub, takes out an entire police station, and keeps coming after Sarah even after its legs are crushed. Talk about relentless.
To really put into perspective just how unstoppable The Terminator is, I’ll turn to the words of Kyle Reese: “Listen, and understand! That Terminator is out there! It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop… ever, until you are dead!”
Jason Voorhees – Friday the 13th
Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
Ki-ki-ki-ma-ma-ma didn’t become a thing we all whisper to each other for a good laugh or scare for nothing.
If you hear that iconic sound, you know the hockey-masked killer, Jason Voorhees, is nearby and ready to unleash bloody mayhem. Believed to have drowned at camp as a little boy and witnessed the beheading of his mother, Jason’s on a mission of vengeance. Enter the realm of Crystal Lake, and you’re bound to end up on the pointy end of his machete. Big, vicious, and very good at what he does, Jason has more victims to his name than the others on this list, and it’s not even close.
While Michael Myers is more evil incarnate, Jason’s a furious storm in the form of a man. He’ll smash through doors, toss bodies through windows, and crush skulls with his bare hands, all because someone decides to engage in a little premarital sex in his woods. The undead slasher villain has had many interpretations, and many actors behind the mask, but one fact has always remained: If you see Jason, chances are, you’re already dead.
Victor Crowley – Hatchet
Courtesy of Lionsgate Home Entertainment
I’d say that when you hear the wail of Victor Crowley in his swamp, you should run. But that’s really just delaying the inevitable. Better to stick your head in the mouth of an alligator. It’ll be more pleasant than what’s coming.
Created by writer/director Adam Green in 2006, Hatchet was meant to be a breath of fresh air for a horror genre overtaken by French Extremity films and torture movies in the vein of Saw or Hostel. Green wanted to unleash a fun callback to bloody, over-the-top slashers. The vessel for his mission? Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder), the deformed ghost of a man unjustly murdered, hell-bent on revenge against anyone who dares to enter his swamp.
Crowley is Jason Voorhees pushed to the extreme (and not just because Hodder has played both). Big, menacing, and highly protective of his environment, Hatchet took clear inspiration from the hockey-masked menace. Each ends their victims in a variety of nasty ways, but Crowley is next level. Where Jason may crush a skull, Victor rips the thing wide open. Where Jason may shove a rock into your gut, Victor will reach in, grab your intestines, and pull until there’s nothing left. Worse yet, he simply can’t be taken down. You can stop villains like Jason or Michael temporarily. But not Crowley. He is a ghost, after all. Take him down, and he just reappears two seconds later. Come face to face with the hatchet-wielding maniac, and your best bet is to lie down and pray. Not that it’ll do you any good.
The Super Soldiers – Onslaught
Courtesy of A24
You want to talk about relentless? The super-soldiers of Onslaught were literally designed to be relentless killing machines.
These guys aren’t just meant for combat against other soldiers (though they manage just fine). They were created to kill. Their entire purpose is to come in and wipe out every last soul until there’s no one left standing.
These three genetically altered killers take down a whole squadron with ease. They slaughter dozens as easily as cutting through paper. It doesn’t matter how many times you hit them, shoot them, or burn them; they will keep coming until they can’t physically move anymore. They are relentless death incarnate. Find yourself in their sights and, well, I hope you have a will prepared.
